A few weeks ago I told you about a dry place I had been in. There was not the connection with God that I was used to having. I was going through the motions of prayer and reading the bible; there was no bible studying except for family devotions. I kept crying and crying out to God. I told you that He answered through my sister: Lose control, He commanded, so I knew that I was still trying to control something. The challenge from there was discovering what it was. Well, God told me recently, and it was an amazing truth that I have not wanted to accept: I was suffering from spiritual pride.
He showed me that my well-worn method of devotional time to get into and feel His presence had to be changed. I was doing the same things and not getting the same results. I was spiritually weak and God showed me that I had not been living (2 Corinthians 12:9). He told me that I had to stop relying on my methods and be weak so His strength would be made perfect. Of course I understood 2 Corinthians 12:9 intellectually. If I am being strong I get in the way of God’s strength doing all it needs to make my situation perfect. I have understood that God sometimes allows things in my life to cause me to buckle from their weight so that I become weak, forcing me to look up to Him. I have understood this intellectually. I thought I modeled this pretty well physically because I have allowed God to have His way in the many areas of pride where I’ve struggled; I was forced “not to exalt myself above measure” (2 Cor. 12:7).
I cut my locks, disconnected from groups, resisted engaging in certain conversations. I have given up some things that caused me to be boastful. But spiritual pride was not something I had ever thought I struggled with. One of my spiritual leaders had called me spiritually arrogant, but I denied it, couldn’t see it. And now God was showing me that spiritual arrogance—pride—had been the source of my spiritual wasteland experience. God allowed a thorn in my flesh—experiences to keep me spiritually weak—so that I could humble myself and allow His strength to be made perfect. What a startling revelation, one that I’m still accepting as my reality.Tune in for more to this. In the meantime, I still long for your pride experiences.
Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith
My pride experience has been in the area of work and those job titles that we hold on to so tight that it makes our business cards squeek as we so frequently distribute them to our peers. Oh yes! I have been in denial for many years. Then one day my job and title would be stripped away and I would be left with memories of what was. Upon introduction, I struggle for words to describe the ME that was. Although I stood in the mirror to practice or rehearse my lines for the next time that I was asked…well, who are you and what do you do; I struggled with an answer. Where once before there were days when I would look forward to that question, but now I say what? A housewife, homemaker, a tweener (in between jobs)! I was addicted to the title. Now God has given me greater titles, that of daughter, mother of strong young men, conqueror, encourager, intercessor, queen, and let’s not forget a praying wife. I thank God for this journey and stripping away the title that keep us prideful and cause us to wear masks of fear only to separate us from our greater good.
Cassandra,
Thanks for having the courage to share your story. I would love to interview you and feature you on my blog. I’ll contact you. God bless you.