Some habits die hard and follow hard lessons learned along the way. I know I will be strong until the day I die. That is not a habit; it’s a God-given benefit, but some ways that I display my strength are what need to die. My eyes opened to this last week when my ears peaked with panic when I heard my middle child screech “Mama, where are you!?” My 4-year-old asks me this just about every time I leave the room. He wants to know what I’m doing, why I’m doing it and when I’m coming back. And, when I’m deep in contemplation or just sitting, being quiet and chilled, my husband often asks, “What are you thinking?” He wants to know if I’m okay.

I get it. They are both concerned. My 4-year-old is checking on his physical safety, asking questions to help him deal with his separation anxiety, and my husband is checking on my mental safety, wanting to make sure that I don’t drown in my deep thoughts. But I want to go where I want to go and think what I want to think without having to share my whereabouts and what I’m thinking about. I want my own walk and my own thoughts, still yearning to be independent in ways that I am now interdependent. I have learned to not get aggravated by their “intrusions” and examine my desire for seclusion, and I have concluded this: I don’t want my natural inclination to become my spiritual inclination because with God my walk is not my walk and my thoughts are not my thoughts, at least they shouldn’t be.

My family keeping tabs on me helps me see how much of my past is still my present, those things I need to shake loose. When they remind me of my interdependence, I am in prime position to remind myself of my dependence on God. And that makes their asking so much more worthwhile.

How have you struggled with letting go of independent ways now that you are interdependent? How, if at all, does your natural inclination reflect your spiritual inclination? Please, tell me what you think?