When you come to dark corners and they’re the end in your mind, do you make the end complete by bowing out of projects or consider bowing out of life? I’ve done both when the mantle of strong black womanhood was just too much, when other people’s demands let me know I had not enough to handle what was expected of me.
Erica Kennedy
I’m reflecting on that space today after I learned of the death of a sister-writer, Erica Kennedy, 42, a woman I never met, can’t say I ever read her words, but her life and now her death have impacted me. Her cause of death is
not known publicly though various writings intimate suicide, brought on perhaps by depression or mental illness. I’m sad that Erica didn’t have what she needed, be it friends to talk to or medicine to take or something else, to help her cope in this life. Though another precious life is gone, I thank God that Erica’s death has sparked conversation about black women and depression and suicide. And for Christian women, we have the possibility to discuss more freely and without condemnation our struggles and that we need to go deep with Jesus so He leads us to our proper healing (which may include doctors and medicine). And we must always share our eternal hope in Jesus so others may receive salvation on this side of life and forever be with Him after death.
My One Thousand Gifts List
#621-630
The sun shining on my face
The pool of water making waves in the parking lot
Being led to join the A Holy Experience Gratitude Community
Meeting a white mom of an adopted black girl seeking me for guidance
Making great headway with laundry
Eating fruit in the bed with Nate and Justus
Justus and Nate attacking me with love
The boys loving going to the playground
Nate asking me to push him high in the swing while Josh swings himself high and Justus says “wee”
God protecting us at the name of Jesus from a car accident that seemed inevitable
I stopped by here from Ann’s today, and as the white mama of an adopted black daughter, I’m so thankful to see you list that as a gift. I never know, when I ask someone a question at a grocery store, hair salon, etc, how I will be perceived. Thank you for your graciousness!
Suzanne, thanks so much for stopping by and for your compliment. I think it’s great that you have opened up your heart and home to someone’s birth child. Doing so, when you didn’t have to, let’s me know your desire to want the best for your child and this includes seeking help with her hair, racial identity issues, etc. While I won’t ever claim to be a resident go-to black person, I am open to whatever questions you may have. If I can help, I am willing. May God bless you!
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Hi Suzanne, I must say that I have met many mothers and fathers of children that are adopted by families such as yours. The first was my professor who for the entire semester would talk how much he loved his daughter. He had purchased her a surf board at the age of 3. He said he was waiting to teach her to surf. I did not know that his daughter was black or adopted until two weeks before class ended. He and his wife were approaching retirement and they had sent off their last child to college, when they adopted this beautiful child in need of a loving home. This couple loves their daughters. There were many women at the church who assisted them with whatever needs that the child had. It was beautiful just knowing that this child will forever be loved. And if he had questions, the people in his inner circle had the greatest, most helpful answers. As for myself, my children are bi-cultural. I remember when my youngest was a baby and a white woman approached me with some kind words of maintenance. She explained that I should always use sunblock on my kids because of their skin color.
I really love the advice that Rhonda has given you because it is coming from a mother. This is my first time that I have been on this blog site and her words are encourging.
I wanted to add that I have been doing some research
on Erica Kennedy. I too cannot believe that I had never heard of her before. I
recently picked up both her books from the library and I am going to embark on
a mission to finish both of them by this weekend. I saw a video of her reading
excerpts from her book “Feminista” and I became intrigued by her
talent and accomplishments. I do believe
her death has sparked dialogue among black women who have experienced
depression or who have lived with clinical depression. I have been suffering from depression for a
number of years and I find myself to be a functioning depressed person who
really needs to seek help. I struggle
with life daily, but I really should be grateful that God has brought me this
far with what has happened in my life.
With the news of Erica’s death and possibly circumstances I am left with
a lot of questions. I am suffering alone
and have been alienated from my family and I don’t any friends. I should say that I am alienated because I
won’t accept people in my life who are toxic including family and friends. Why is there such as stigma when it comes to
black women and depression? I too suffer from this strong black woman syndrome that
sees us as these women who can take and accept mediocre crap. And when I show a sign of ‘weakness’, I am
made to feel somehow guilty for it. I
really feel that though this may open up conversation, the conversational arena
is still not equal. Even though we as
black women should step up and help one another, we lag in that
department. Rest in peace, Erica, for
your journey is just beginning.
Thanks for coming by and chiming in, Denise. I appreciate your encouraging words about my advice, blog site and writing.
Denise,
I’m so sorry that your circle of what should be support is full of toxic people. What about folks outside of that circle, like spiritual leaders at church or a women’s support group or other support group at a hospital led by professionals for those suffering from depression? Please reach out to someone else. God has someone there for you. Just ask Him to guide you and don’t mistake the guidance that you’ve heard. If you “happen” to hear about a program or a group or a person who has information who can help you, I don’t believe that is by chance. We all get weak, but through God we can be strong (regardless of what others think). Thanks so much for sharing so much of yourself here. Be blessed, Sis.