For a few weeks I had worked with Nate, my 4 year old, on learning to swing on his own. He would recite ‘kick out, pull in” to remind himself to push his legs forward when swinging forward and pull them back when swinging backward. He and I were happy that this catchy phrase would keep his coordination and he would be able to swing apart from my pushing. But he often got tired of pushing, would whine and ask me to push him. Tired of hearing him whine, I often would push him. Nate stopped wanting to try, preferring me to push him instead.

I had done this—made him a swing quitter—with my controlling self. Doing things myself so I don’t have to deal with the hassle of teaching a slow learner or so I know it’ll be right is an issue I’m working on and an issue other recovering strong black women wrestle with. And this is an issue that will work your nerves and overwork your body, constantly challenge your patience and keep you entrenched in pride. We can’t do everything, should not want to do everything, yet the control freak in us cries loud and we heed her cries.

Recently, God reminded me how continually holding the reigns only keeps me in the position of holding the reigns. If I take over the housework, cook without having pupils beside me, withhold assignments from workers and tell those I counsel what they should do instead of what the Bible says then I’m creating a dependence on me and preventing my followers from being self sufficient. We can’t do everything for our children, withhold assignments from our workers or tell our counselees what to do. We can keep the reigns tight, but when we decide we want to let go, our followers won’t be able to steer. And we will be stuck, doing all the work, even when we don’t want to. I thank God for the reminder to release control, remain calm and let others learn what they need to learn so they—not I—can do what needs to be done.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#611-620
Liz saying she could tell Flynn and I are one
Meeting Liz
The diversity at Nichole’s party and witnessing folks’ genuine love for her
Christen helping me every Sunday
Christen supervising the boys during choir practice
The sermon I’ve been waiting for: Pastor Brooks speaking of God wanting to use the arts to reach the unsaved
Fellowship in the sanctuary after church and during New Evangel Members Orientation
Jeremiah’s baby dedication
The sound of Nathaniel eating food he enjoys
Walking Justus in the parking lot at church and him smiling at the wind being on his face