Recovering strong black women have great burdens to shake, arguably the heaviest among them is making sure that everyone—family, friends, co-workers, bosses and underlings—is okay, that each feels and looks ok, and not only that those folks are okay but that others think those folks are okay, too. I think we feel this burden the most with our children, whether biological or spiritual. We want them to feel good about themselves, help them look good and teach them skills so they feel good about themselves and so that others feel good about them too. We just want them to fit in, even though we may contradict that when we push them so hard to excel in school, perhaps pushing them to be the best in their class. And there is nothing wrong with pursuing excellence. In fact, we all should, but for what reason?

Do we push our children to be the best so others will accept them or so they stand above the rest so we can smile with pride? Though I don’t explore in my latest EEW article the possibility of planting pride in our children, I do explore whether or not we emphasize their being cool over their being consecrated to the Lord. I praise God that for most of my life I didn’t worry about whether or not I was cool, but more importantly I praise God that He showed me my pride in those years and prompted me not to want to continue to swim in it. My great burden as a recovering strong black woman has been to shake my pride so I wouldn’t embrace being cool but would embrace being consecrated and that I could teach my sons the same. Read my column, which begins below, and let me know here on the blog and at the magazine site what your experience has been balancing the cool and consecration factors in your and your children’s lives.

My Joshua warms my heart. He’s kind, helpful and ultra compassionate. His tender 9-year-old heart finds the good in people whose actions consistently tell you they mean you no good. He’s a little quirky, indulging in the creation of academic worksheets for fun in addition to more traditional pastimes, like playing basketball and reading (especially the Bible). He talks and asks a bunch of questions about history, geography and the Bible. He loves the Bible, thinks he may be a pastor and wants to help just about everyone he sees in need. And he has a habit of falling, being a bit clumsy and somewhat awkward. Perhaps this is just a stage he is going through, but I sometimes worry about him making new friends and navigating other important social situations.

One of my relatives noticed that Joshua is awkward and told another relative that he wanted Joshua to hang with him so he could make him ‘cool.’ I was appalled and ashamed. How could my relative not think Joshua was good enough, that he was okay, perhaps just going through a transitional phase? And what hadn’t my husband and I done to help Joshua fit in so others wouldn’t be offended by his awkward sensibilities? My husband and I long ago had decided that our children being consecrated as opposed to being cool was our goal, but with my relative noticing Joshua’s awkwardness I entertained shifting my emphasis to creating classes on being cool.
I know I’m not alone. As Christian parents, even we want our children to be accepted among their peers. The question for us is, “To what extent do we go to ensure that our children are socially accepted?” Read more by clicking here.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#581-590
Hearing from agent and consultant regarding my book proposal
Tabitha being available to watch the children next week Wednesday and Friday
God waking me up early to spend time with Him
Finishing my blog post before 9 a.m. (and even most of it before taking Joshua to school)
Being conscious of not raising my voice at the children
Another long day with Flynn gone all evening helping me to practice longsuffering and the Fruit of the Spirit
Keeping the kitchen clean
A supportive and comforting husband
A morning nap
Good fellowship with Simone, Tiffany and their children