I want to send out notes, thinking of you and thank you, and buy gifts whenever I feel moved. I want to cook elaborate dinners, take the boys to the park every sunny day and not yell at them at all. I want to wear fancy suits, sharp shoes and give a dollar to those needy passersby. I want to rise early daily, mop my floors weekly, have a getaway monthly, take a longer trip quarterly and plan the family trip to wherever we want to go in the world.

But sometimes I send up prayers and give oral thank yous, make lists of gifts, cook what’s easy to fix, spend some sunny days indoors or in the backyard, say ‘please forgive me,’ wear what’s in my closet, give a nod and ‘I’m sorry’ to most needy passersby, get up whenever I can get the body to rise, spot clean and vacate to another room or another world in books.

Sometimes you get to church at 11:45, have just enough clean plates for the dinner meal and have to tell the raw truth when they ask you how you’re doing. That strong black woman mantle is too heavy to carry and nobody should expect you to carry it anyway. “Now, a person who is put in charge as a manager must be faithful” (1 Corinthians 4:2). God only asks that we are faithful, that we do the best that we can—truly our best—and if that is less than our best in another less busy or less lean season of our lives then that is the best for now. And that is always enough, at least in the eyes of God, the only ones that matter, and for that I am thankful.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#551-560
A nap
Completing my book proposal
Supporting Christen by attending her play
Flynn being a hands-on dad, including today bathing Nate and Justus
Flynn cooking
Forman Mills having good deals
A productive and stress-free day
God’s grace for getting the boys and me ready for church
Christen’s faithfulness in helping me
Flowers and a card from Tabitha