Ever lose something and have to call out a search crew to find it? That was the case Saturday when I couldn’t find my water bottle. Anyone who knows me knows that you rarely see me without my 32 ounce bottle. I refill it throughout the day to make sure I get more than half my body weight in ounces of water. To no avail, three of us couldn’t find my bottle and I had to leave the house without it or chance being late to an event. I felt lost without it. I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I kept reaching in the car cup holder and it wasn’t there. I just kept feeling that something was missing. When I returned home I looked again and, thank God, I found my water bottle. After recovering it I felt secure; I felt myself again. The same way I felt without my water bottle—that something essential for my life—is the same way I feel when I lose anything I need, including God’s favor.
Hear instruction and be wise, and do not neglect it. Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting beside my doors. For whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from the LORD, but he who fails to find me injures himself; all who hate me love death (Proverbs 8:33-36).
On July 7, 2010 I lost God’s favor—his pleasure in or delight with me—in one area. This was the day God shared with me three points I needed to share with a friend in an area of her struggle. On that day, or soon after, I shared with her two of the three points. I rationalized that she got the message with the two that I shared and giving her the third would have been overkill, killing her spirit and possibly ending my ability to share with her on that level again. I felt good with what I shared but wondered if she needed to know that last point. On Friday in prayer God made clear that I had to share that point with her, that I “punked out” before and I couldn’t do so this time. Though I was nervous and though she was taken aback that I kept something from her for almost two years, I got out what I failed to share as she shook her head in agreement and said “un, un, un. I receive that.” She then scolded me for holding back something that “I could have been working on for two years.”
After apologizing and committing to never again hold back, I felt free, a great burden lifted that I didn’t even know was weighing me down. Almost immediately I had a great urgency to throw myself into the work of the Lord, something I hadn’t experienced in a while, perhaps two years, perhaps since July 7, 2010 when I received instruction but was unwise by choosing to neglect what I had been instructed to do. That July I lost my blessing for ignoring wisdom, lost favor from God, bringing to myself harm—a lack of joyful motivation to fulfill God’s call on my life, a death of my soul. I had lost God’s favor and didn’t even know I had. But God, who is rich in mercy, doesn’t want to withhold any good thing from me and wants me to choose life, sent out a search party of one—Himself—to dig into my heart to show me that His favor was missing (Ephesians 2:4, Psalm 84:11, Deuteronomy 30:19, Psalm 139:23-24). He wanted to show me that He was not pleased that I was disobedient when He told me clearly what He wanted me to tell my friend. Even in His displeasure God told me what I needed to do to please Him in this area again and He hasn’t stopped blessing me in other areas over the last 20 months. For His great love for me, being mindful of me even in my shortcomings and showing me my version of control was out of control, I am eternally grateful.
My One Thousand Gifts List
491-500
Witnessing a loving family
Cleaning my house without feeling stressed
A rich discipleship meeting full of aha moments
A surprise visit from Sharon (my minister sister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ) and her adding to the richness of my discipleship meeting
One disciple’s comment when learning Sharon was dropping by the meeting: “I looked forward to discipleship. Now I get a double portion.”
A normally reserved discipleship group member opening up during the meeting
My discipleship group celebrating my birthday with food, cake and a Blue Nile gift certificate
Having a rich meeting even while having to manage the children
How Flynn and I support each other in such an easy fashion
Sleeping in
