This game they play never changes, but my son Nathaniel gets scared every time. He’s three and stocky and throws his weight around on Joshua, my 9 year old, and on Justus, my 2 year old, not knowing his own power. I call him my “chunky monkey” and this is when the throwing stops and the leaning into me begins. Hearing “chunky monkey” makes him want to cuddle and kiss, to rest from the rest of the world; the sound of love comforts him. He knows that Mama loves him, all of him, and he rests in that. But when he and Joshua, at Nathaniel’s prompting, play the game of ghost, there seems to be nothing I can say to get Nathaniel to not be afraid.

Sometimes Joshua covers himself with a blanket. Other times he simply presents himself to Nathaniel with increasingly loud and longer ghost sounds: “Oooo…Oooooo…Oooooooo.” And every time Nathaniel comes to me with some expression of fright. Always running to me crying or on the verge of tears he says, “I’m scared,” “It’s a ghost,” or “Joshua scared me.” I tell him, “It’s Josh. See. It’s just Joshua. You know who he is. Why are you afraid?” Then I know the answer because we grown (recovering) strong black women do what Nate does too.

We recognize the devil or someone’s flesh in operation and we get afraid. We don’t cower like Nate, but instead of resting in Jesus—allowing Him to fight our battles, we gear up and do our own bidding. We, out of fear of being conquered, seek to fight our own way. We, so deft at making a way and saving the day, move out of fear. We forget who the enemy is; we forget who God is; and we forget who we really are.

• Satan is defeated (Hebrews 2:14).
• God is defeater (Revelation 1:18).
• We belong to God so the victory is already ours (1 Corinthians 15:57).

I said the victory is already ours. Sometimes we have to wait on a word from God to make a move or know when to be still or keep our mouths shut or when to follow our gut. We have to let God tell us what to do in that new moment because the old instructions just might not do (Remember Moses striking instead of speaking to the rock—Compare Exodus 17:5-6 to Numbers 20:7-12). We can’t let our enemies’ sounds and appearances make us fear to strike instead of speak. Sounds and appearances are just costumes of the weak used to fool us into thinking we’re weak. We cannot be fooled, can’t afford to be fooled to fight with our flesh. Doing so negates our best—our God-given power to navigate and squash the mess that comes our way. We have an obligation to remember who the enemy is, remember who God is and to remember who we are. This is how we live a victorious life and free from the demands of fear.

What has fear caused you to do? What do you do to remember who you really are? Please, tell me what you think.