What Do You Think? Wednesday
God has blessed me with some great girlfriends. I told you last week that I have friends I can call without hesitation and know they will rejoice with me when I rejoice. For the most part I have evaded the drama that some women friendships bring. There was one major exception to this when I was in college. I had a friend who decided she wanted my life. She stole my organizational ideas, copied my style of dress, flirted with my boyfriend and talked about me behind my back. You know I was in full blown strong black woman mode then so when she kissed my boyfriend as close to his mouth as she could without kissing him on his lips in front of me, you know I didn’t stand idly by. I didn’t hit her, but let’s just say she and most of campus knew that I thought she was an envious backstabber trying to snatch my life.
This Lifetime movie drama just doesn’t happen. More often than not, I believe, envy seeds get planted early in a girl’s life and without the proper tools to dig up the roots that take hold, these little girls grow up to be hateful, covetous women. Click here to read my latest EEW Magazine column about how we can help our children (and even ourselves) deal with envy. What have been your experiences with envy? How have you handled them? Yes, as always, I want to know, “What do you think?”
The biblical principles that you shared burdened me as I watched my little girls of 4, 3, and 2 years old struggle in the nursery with sharing their friends. My heart hurt for Kristian as she sadly melted away with rejection and betrayal. My Strong Black Woman response was “Skip ’em you have 3 sisters and a baby brother. So what!” God had to work on Mommy and her past responses to rejection resulting in envy. Rejoicing with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15); 3) mourning with those who mourn (Romans 12:15); and 4) honoring others above themselves (Romans 12:10), and accepting His will and timing for who would be my friend flooded my heart as I explained to Kristian that God was in control of her life. Our heavenly Father knows best who we should play with and when. If your old friend no longer has time for you, maybe God wants you to befriend someone new “Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold” (who’s to say which is which?). That Sunday morning God unfolded the secret of raising young ladies free from petty girl crap.
With 8 children in our home, it is easy to for envy to slip in somewhere. God was able at an early age to teach Biblical principles by establishing Biblical boundaries based on those principles. Here are a few practical applications that gave my daughters success as preschoolers and now as they are in college.
1. Accepting your 10 unchangeable
2. Taking advantage of inequitable situations to teach rejoicing for others
3. Birthday Party etiquette. Birthday parties are only for the birthday child; no blowing candles, gifting, or other balancing tricks to feed the wicked jealousy of another child.
4. Marking boy territory is absolutely forbidden. Said boy is required to man up anyway!
5. Understanding the 4 levels of friendship was essential to prevent the girls from imposing deeper levels of commitment upon acquaintances.
6. Practicing the Biblical principles at home with the 7 siblings must be mastered before children are allowed to befriend others. If relationships break down in the home, all other friendships are halted until restoration occurs.
Abbey,
I love the point about following the biblical principles at home and having to MASTER them before engaging in friendships outside of the home. The home is indeed the laboratory, so to speak. We all should be able to love our closest neighbors before venturing out to love others. This is so good. Please explain to me the four levels of friendship. I’m not aware of these. Also what are the 10 unchangeable? I think you may have accidentally left out a word.
Thanks for stopping by, Mrs. B. It sounds like your situation was quite heartbreaking. For that, I am sorry. Sometimes when interactions with others become detrimental cutting ties is necessary. I hope you continue to pray for this family member in hope of the person finding peace with God and with who God created him or her to be.
10 Unchangeables ( Christ could have changed any or all of these conditions in his life but he would not)
1. your parents
2. your time in history
3. your gender
4. your birth order
5. your brothers and sisters
6. racial background
7. mental abilities
8. physical features
9. national heritage
10. aging and death
4 Levels of Friendship
1. acquaintance (appropriate questions earn the privilege to deepen the relationship)
2. casual friendship (proper activities establish the basis to deepen relationship)
3. close friendship- fellowship (common Godly standards allow a deeper relationship)
4. Intimate friendship
Thanks for posting this for all to see.