What Do You Think? Wednesdays
The other day my sister and I were talking about what makes non-church going folks say “I have to get myself together” and “I don’t have nothing to wear” before they can come to church. Sometimes they claim these are barriers because they want to keep on living the way they’re living, but sometimes they really do think self-help and a Sunday best wardrobe are what they need. Where did they get these notions? I believe folks in the church have created these barriers, ridiculous preconditions that have nothing to do with the soul-saving power of Jesus Christ and the transforming work that He can continually do in our lives. We don’t have the power to get ourselves together and we can never dress up our pain and confusion. But non-church going folks think so, and others, especially we strong black women, do, too.
Our legacy of strength makes us believe we have to keep ourselves together, never falling apart, never exposing ourselves to the church, the body of Christ, our family, fitly joined together to meet everyone’s needs (Ephesians 4:16). This includes OUR needs. We don’t get help in the church because we don’t want to expose ourselves and, unfortunately, churches don’t want us exposing ourselves. They need us to keep it together to run the ministries we run and some leaders just don’t know how to minister to us. The façade is easier, but no one can play these roles forever. We eventually fall apart in a farther gone place because of too few safe spaces like this website that are so prevalent outside the church. I thank God for my church’s counseling ministry that even has designated times to just walk-in and see a counselor. We even have intimate classes for women taught by strong biblical women. Besides offering these ministries and other sermon-styled women’s ministry functions (that usually don’t allow for transparency and intimacy), what does your church do or what do you think the church needs to do to create safe places for hurting women who think they need to mask their pain? As always, I look forward to hearing from you.
Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith
The issues you bring up in this post are super real. Sometimes I don’t ask for help because I feel ashamed that “I don’t have it all together like I’m supposed to”. I am guilty of assuming that people really have it all together and don’t want or need me raining on their parade by asking if they want to share their intimate and vulnerable feelings with me and you know that culturally and historically black people haven’t had places to safely break down. The “stiff upper lip”, the “grin and bear it”, the “pull yourself up by your boots straps” as well as the world famous “God never gives us more than we can bear” are so ingrained in some of us that we don’t even know how to shape our mouths to say “I need your heart, I need your prayers, I’m hurting”….Leslie Reese
Leslie, I hadn’t thought about all these sayings and how they have impacted us. You are so right. We gotta reprogram ourselves or we are definitely going to self destruct. Thanks for sharing.